It's basically this statement: "I am not worthy".
Let me tell you this: The only person who can say if you are worthy or not is YOU.
And I'm not talking about getting accepted to some prestigious institution, getting featured somewhere important, or gaining any glorified recognition that we often attach to the idea of worthiness.
It's as simple as "I am worthy to start doing this."
We handicap ourselves with self-imposed limitations disguised as excuses. For art in particular, we often think that it's too late. Or we're too far behind the game. Or I didn't get proper education. Or because I have to pay the bills. Or I'm lazy to clean up. Or they're already doing it. Or politics. Or whatever. I'm guilty of this. I still catch myself doing it sometimes, but I kinda learned how to counter-attack it little by little.
Because the truth is, it's only true if you believe it. Well of course there's an advantage if you have started early on, but everything that happened before really counts as well, no matter how messed up it may be. Just take it all in as part of your journey as a creator of your craft. As cliche as it sounds, I do believe that everything happens for a reason, at the right time.
You have to accept this: You create things because the world needs them here in our reality. For whatever reason it is. It doesn't need to save the world. If you feel like you're called to do something, it probably means you should at least try. Maybe it will just help you get over that Food delivery that didn't arrive. When inspiration calls, answer. Just try!
And I've been trying and trying and trying for as long as I can remember. I'm not planning to stop either.
I dunno if I'm just stubborn or a Taurus or an INFJ, whatever it is, I can't let a day pass by without asking myself this question: What did I do today to get me a step closer to my dreams? It's really bothersome. But that's who I am.
I mean, I still suck for my own standards. Chances are, when you start, so will you (unless you're a child prodigy -- but then again they have insane standards as well). You need to work for it for a long time before it starts to work for you. Don't wait to be good enough before you feel worthy. That's never gonna happen. We always want to improve so not being good enough actually helps us move forward to greater achievements, not unless we give up along the way. So don't wait. Just do.
There are days when it's hard. Say, you paint days and days and days for an exhibit. Nobody bought anything! Logistics was bad! Only a handful of friendships came. That's a bummer, but hey, it's not because I'm not worthy. It's just because it's part of the journey. Or a blog topic. I don't really know the explanation but I've learned to stop overanalyzing things because they always explain themselves in the end.
And then there are days when it's easy, like when a really old painting gets bought out of nowhere or someone randomly found you on the internet and commissioned you a big one. The world -- no, the universe rather -- will give you bits of encouragement every now and then. And you have to notice it! You will never do if you feel unworthy. You'll just auto-reply with that statement forever.
One example of encouragement was when a friend of mine, Jan Drake Bakke from America, invited me to send my work to this book that's going to be published by Time Square Press everywhere! I didn't even talk shit to myself on why I won't get accepted. I just emailed them immediately and luckily, I got in!
And if you only knew the other stuff I've been scheming shamelessly unbeknownst to many -- you'll see how hard I try. But it's fun. Because I'm always pleasantly surprised. And if I don't put myself out there, then I'm already buzzkilling my dreams to reality. So bottomline is, just do your shit. And be nice to everyone, because you'll never know who's gonna help you.
Be confident with yourself in whatever you do because it may take you places. The more you work, the faster you may get what you want. The more you improve, the more you move. The more you feel unworthy, the more you're not going anywhere. Believe in yourself, because a lot of people believe in you already. Open your eyes, they are there.
You have something special to create, that's why you're a creator. The world doesn't need another Picasso or Van Gogh or Beethoven -- I think it needs variety. New legends. New signs of the times. You are here because you're supposed to give birth not just to human beings, but ideas and future inspirational material for those who will follow.
To cut the long blog short, eto lang naman yung point ko: Fake it until you make it. At some point, everyone you admire once did. And if you have a secret dream you really wanna do and you need at least one supporter to tell you that you can do it -- message me. I'll be your professional pusher. Unless it's about killing someone, then I'll call the police.
And I may sound like a Home TV Shopping host right now, but really, this motto is really working out for me, I can't believe other people aren't trying it! You should too! And at the end of every waking day, always be grateful. Good days or bad days. Always give thanks. Small feats or big, give yourself credit. So for those who need to hear it, keep on doing what you're doing. You're not in it alone. I'm still a starving artist, but we'll get there. We'll get there!